I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
