i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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