wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
