Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
