Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
