I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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