Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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