Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
