remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
