drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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