Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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