i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
