Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
