if only i could text you this smell
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who died my cat blue again?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
