she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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