My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
