Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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