i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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