and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
