mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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