Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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