Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
