Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
