we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
