His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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