so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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