We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
