I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
