we have pet lesbian snakes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
