At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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