Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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