this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dear god my vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
