he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
