I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
