she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
