I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
