I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
