Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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