Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just sucked dick on a ferry
These tits shall not be calmed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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