There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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