Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
