I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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