the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
