Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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