I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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