I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two words: blizzard sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
