marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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