just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
