Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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