Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
