I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was confusing and full of hummus
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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