I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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