The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
