Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
