I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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