I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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