my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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