my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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