I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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