Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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