If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
