I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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