Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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