Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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