This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
