I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
porn star boner night. come get it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone came in the potted fern
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
