Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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