I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Farmville is her only friend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
