i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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