she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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