Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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