I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
