I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
