i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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