i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
